I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
