I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm too high and old for this...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
