my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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