Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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