Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
