My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize