WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
