Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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