I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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