so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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