Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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