did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
