I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize