I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
