it hurts more in the daytime
Sober January is a disaster.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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