Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
