One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
