im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
