I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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