no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I need help removing her.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
