that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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