Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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