can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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