Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize