I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
