some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
