she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
