your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
