Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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