Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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