The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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