dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Houston, we have a blender
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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