Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
