So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
