No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
