He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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