when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
