my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Drake has all the answers
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
