i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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