Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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