2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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