When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
