Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
