nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That accounts for only three of the penises
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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