I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
