i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
