Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
