Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
