Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
