i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
