alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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