How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
