Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
