so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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