She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
