sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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