I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
