Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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