Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
