look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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