Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
