he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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