I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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