Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
