i can't believe i had my finger in that
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
