oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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