I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize