I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
