woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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