Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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