Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize