you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize