well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
