I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
