can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
