Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
