Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
