you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
