is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
