you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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