so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
