the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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