I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
