Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
