ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
