we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
