dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
