holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
