someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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