She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
