You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize