Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
