I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
