I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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