I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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