WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
