we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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