i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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