I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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