2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
