I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
