My liver just broke up with me...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize